just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
