she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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