Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
