I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
