look no pants
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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