i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
