he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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