1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
