We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
