I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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