Your mouth is God's brothel.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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