I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
