dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
