This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
