would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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