Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Panties = found
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
