I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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