My sheets look like a crime scene.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Couch. On fire.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
