doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
