Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
