Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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