walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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