So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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