why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
