After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
