I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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