Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
