we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
