I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
