So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
