WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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