In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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