She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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