Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
