i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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