i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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