Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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