Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
