No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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