The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
