Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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