just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
