I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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