dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
