atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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