you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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