Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
