i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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