i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
