There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
