You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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